Its been 11 days since Surgery and I am no better. In fact, without being dramatic, I'm a lot worse. The swelling after surgery fueled the already damaged tendons in the back of my knee. Now everything hurts. My calf, my hammy, and my popliteus tendon are all screaming at me. I am trying to pull a Jens Voigt by screaming back at them to shut up but its not working. There is another underlying problem that I cannot get to the bottom of. Obviously there is the messed up pelvis and the leg length discrepancy but thats been part of my current make up for years. Another issue could be all the biking. I have not addressed all the biomechanical issues I have while riding the bike, rather I just use pain as a guide. Nothing hurts riding, everything hurts running. Right now after some treatments I should feel improvement. And yet all I feel is more pain and inflammation. I am seeing Dr. McKeon tomorrow but its in the hands of physiotherapy now. Being an orthopedic surgeon his job is to go in and look around. He said my tear was not bad and that the knee itself is in good shape. That means the tendinosis is worse than I thought and I am in for a long PT journey. I'm really trying to stay positive but over the last few days I've lost some hope. Being around running can be very difficult at times. Not that I'd change it but I can see why certain individuals I know have become bitter towards the sport. It does not reward on an even plane. Lots of luck is required. Some of the most talented and hardworking people I know get let down by their bodies while some of the most selfish runners I know (not to mention the drug cheats I don't know) seem to thrive. I don't believe in Karma so I shouldn't focus on this aspect of life but right now I am. Tomorrow I'll wake up and I won't be in a downer mood and I'll fight hard and stay positive, I'll be motivated to fix this knee. Until tomorrow all I have is some wonderful music to listen to, a healthy bag of ice, and an almost full heart.
Speaking of good music. I've been on a techno kick lately. All weekend I listened to minimal and very melodic electronic music. Its been a joy. A friend recommended the artist Oneohtrix Point Never, an ambient electronic music producer from Brooklyn who before Saturday I'd never heard of. His music is stunning. Despite me referring to him as ambient, the music is much more original than that. Synths and strings layered so deep and shrouded in random vocals. The opener is a big chaotic and terrifying but then the album reaches an equilibrium and truly takes me on a journey. My favorite song is below.
Peace and Much Love,